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Destination – “Healed”, period. (is there such a place?)

Posted on May 19, 2013 by Nora L Pratt

We all handle the various challenges we face differently.  For the most part, I believe that each of us are heroes, each setting out to Trainandstationconquer whatever challenge life has dealt us.  It’s no secret that these last few months [scratch that… years] have been sprinkled with loss.  Be it the loss of health (my mother’s dementia and sister’s cancer), the loss of a loved one, loss of life style (my marriage, and job, the fire).  There has been much that has been endured.  Changes in our own lives, be it welcomed or not, can be quite disruptive; but loss is one of those major hurdles to get over.  And to do it, you must have will and determination and strength.

To write simply about ‘change’ doesn’t seem to fit this time, nor does it seem appropriate to simply write about loss… I’ve been experiencing something very strange and much delayed.  I can’t quite put my finger on it (that’s the hard part), it’s not depression – which is a good thing; but  one moment I’m  melancholy – crying, sleepy –  then all is fine.  I’ve simply lost my gumption…  Still, what do I have to ‘complain’ about?

But complain I did and ‘self-pity’ became my latest garment I threw on over my robe.  I was getting into some bad habits – staying up until the wee hours of the morning, sleeping late, drinking coffee all day (hence more late nights) – it is high time I stop this nonsense before I end up the proverbial ‘train-wreck.’  I see a ‘switch’ in the rail line ahead and must quickly adjust the path of this journey.  TrackchangingOften times we follow our paths with our heads hanging so low that we are completely clueless to the rattlesnake pit we are about to fall into.  Our minds swirling with our own inner voices that we don’t hear the warnings.

They say when you feel down, count your blessings not your heartaches.  Stay focused on the positive in your life and stay out of the ‘comparison game.’  Good advice, however I couldn’t help but find myself in that very game just the other day.  Talking with my friend, someone of whom I’d not spoken with in almost thirty years – no particular reason we weren’t speaking, it was simply “LIFE” – but as we were talking and he was telling me about what has happened with him over these last three decades, I never dreamt that life could be so cruel.  The loss of two children topped the list.  Yet, as we were talking, he had such a wonderful way of speaking about it.  There was no feelings of self-pity, though I’m sure his heart breaks with each memory; he was resolved and at peace.

After our long talks I had to ask myself; what in tarnation do I have to complain about?  Life is better than I can remember, I’m prospering all over the place; still, I just don’t understand this, this… Melancholy!  So, the question remains; is there such a place as – Destination Healed?  If so, how many self-help posts/books must we read before we reach it and can finally de-board the Chattanooga Cucachu-chu?

RailtracksSo, how does one release themselves from this ‘pre-train wreck?’  Get going and get going.  And, yes – count your blessings.  Speaking with my friend, it reiterated that we truly are dealt cards in this game called “Life”; and our best shot is to play our games as best we can.  One card and one game at a time, without struggling to see what card lies in wait or, worse yet, struggling those we played.

I can remember when I was in college, my roommate’s mother once told me “Ann, if you gathered everyone and told them ‘place all the misfortune that life has dealt you into the brown paper bag before you and throw it into the center of the room and it will be released from you forever.’  So they all do and are elated.  Then you say to them, ‘now, you are to pick up a bag before you leave as this will now replace the last.’  You will be amazed at how many will struggle and fight to find the very bag they just tossed.”

So very true.  There is the old saying, “God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle.”  I’ve had trouble with this, though I used to live by it.  And I think it boils back to this; to worry about what could happen is wasted energy as there is no control over the ‘unknown.’  And to keep revisiting past events is literally stripping you of, not just today, but your journey of where you could be.  As each regret adjusts that journey.

Being a believer in the power of focused energy, to revisit the past and to try to make sense out of the senseless will only bring on more of the ‘senseless’ as this is the point of focus.  Where, if we change our focus on the moments of our life… moment by moment we show up and find joy.  ‘Joy’ being the targeted emotion.

I had the pleasure of helping a dear friend of mine this last week.  She has a music program that she developed and volunteers for, for the local children in our district.  I can’t tell you the joy of being with these little children as they rehearsed and got ready for their performances.  If you need to get over the doldrums, helping/volunteering is one of the best ways to do it.

There is something so serene about placing your heart in the moment and speaking with each person you meet.  By just placing a smile on my face and showing up to face these children needing my help, well, to be clear, it was stage make-up… not a big deal; but, it was huge to them.  They smiled, and therefore I smiled.  What a treat!  And what joy!

Destination – Healed; not sure there is such a place, or that there should be as we are healing each and every day.  And with each day - our target should be, not ‘healed’ necessarily, but JOY!

Jumpingforjoy

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”
― Maya Angelou

“If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies; succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; be honest and frank anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway…
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway.”
― Mother Teresa

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Be Careful What You Wish For (or so they say…)

Posted on April 21, 2013 by Nora L Pratt

Riches!  That is what many wish for.  A new car… bright, shiny and fast; that will do.  A huge wardrobe of fantastic clothes (Vera Wang, Mark Jacobs, Isaac Misraji, Christian Lou Bouton shoes, and the list goes on and on) with a fantastic body to wear these fantastic clothes (yep, you guessed it, I wish to be a walking hanger…).  Fame!  Walking the ‘Red Carpet‘ and photo shoots!

But, truth be told, the only thing I craved was to have a ring of friends that were so gifted that I didn’t know what to do with myself while in their 13618094presence.  I wanted nothing better than to be surrounded with talented, creative, sensitive people who I was only too proud to call friends.  So much so, the other day, after performing for a concert with my band, I ended up leaving a bit early (my migraines are reliably inconsistent and this one was a doozy); as I walked to my car, with music in hand and my head down thinking of the faces looking up at us as we sang, I smiled a huge smile as I realized that dreams actually do come true.  I am living my dream!  You see, I have discovered that I am surrounding myself with fabulous people who build me up and who stand for what they believe in and, most importantly, who pull together and put their money where their mouths are and give to those in need.

Much of this I owe to the music we sing and so much of it I owe to age.  I’ve reached the ever blooming ”halfway” mark and am realizing that there is a new path I’m forging for myself.  Some of that is in my music, but most of that will be through my foundation, helping those diagnosed with dementia and their loved ones cope with the disease and the responsibilities that go along with it.  I am embarking on a road that I’ve never had the confidence to follow; but that’s the point, is it not?  As I’ve written in past posts, so often we follow the same path because it’s familiar, we know the curves that lie ahead, we know the bumps in that road.  Sure, there might be a surprise here and there; but, for the most part, it’s a path that we are very familiar.

Often times through life, we come across a fork in the road or a cross roads and it is at this time that we must decide… we must decide to turn left, turn right or forge straight ahead on the same, safe, familiar path.  I mean, why change, right?  If we turn left, we might fall, break a leg, we might fail!  Same goes if we made a right turn.  We might meet some horrible people who bankrupt us and, fail.  But, truth be told, if we forge ahead, we might fall, break our neck, end up in the hospital, meet some really horrible people who mismanage our business and cause our medical insurance to cancel, thereby forcing us into bankruptcy and, fail.

Wow!  How grim!  However I think you get my drift… no matter what, there is always going to be the chance of failure (this is true).  But, there is also the chance for success and the possibility of meeting fabulous people who will become wonderful friends.  There are wonderful possibilities out there if we just adjust our direction.  I did.  And I am the happiest I’ve been in years.  Scared?  Certainly!  But this isn’t a daily occurrence.  I went Ziplining the other day with a friend of mine.  I found myself hyperventilating on the first couple of lines (well the first FIVE); but the most important thing is that I felt empowered and I finished with honors.

Life; be careful of what you wish for.  Really?  Rather, be grateful for what you wish for.  I had the pleasure of attending an honorary luncheon with my sister, Elizabeth.  The Organ Donor Society was honoring those who donated their organs in 2012 and our sister, Kimball, was one of the honorees.  They had a slide show at the end, showing all the faces of the loved ones who had passed, giving the “gift of life”, their organs.  Some were able to give to many, some, like my sister, were only able to give their eyes; but it was known that all these gifts were exactly that, “gifts of life”.  For even the eyes, they gave were a gift of site to someone who may not have had sight since they were very little and there is something very humbling in that.  Some had been given the gift of a heart, a liver, a kidney; and there were so much more.

But the faces, those were what touched me; so many faces, all belonging to someone or many.  All having touched others and leaving a huge hole in the lives of those around them.  Some of these faces were very young, their lives barely started.  While others were in the prime of their life, possibly leaving children, a spouse, parents, friends and a whole community.  These faces spanned all age groups and it left me grateful.  Grateful for my love of Kimball and grateful for my friendships (new-found and well seasoned).

355477So many times we hear it said (more often now than ever before), “Life is too short” and this is said as a message of some sort.  As if to say, “get over it, and move forward”; stop holding on to your anger and your petty disagreements and forgive instead.  Those that say this have a point; but to them I say that you can’t rush grief.  If people are hurt or angry, there is not a thing anyone can do to force them to heal, forgive, forget and move on.  They must come to that decision by themselves.

It is no secret that this time last year I was a mess.  The loss of our sister left me empty, angry and spitting fire.  I was trying to ‘get over it’, but that was a tall order and that is what I’m saying to all of you.  Grief is different for each and every one of us; and it will happen in its own time (again, different timing for each and every one of us).  But I gave it time (finally!), and have allowed my friends in to help, listen, talk and laugh with me.  That is really the ticket, laughter and talking.  We all need that release.  But the most helpful of all is time.  We must allow ourselves the time.  How much time?  I don’t know… Nobody does!  No one, but you.  Allow it.  No time is too long, but some time can be too short.  Don’t rob yourself of the healing needed.

It has been a year (actually a 13 months) since the passing of my lovely sister Kimball and I’m sure she is smiling down.  I know she was smiling that day of the concert I was participating in as I was realizing all the new friendships I’ve made.  These wonderful people who are now a part of my life, all of whom have their own wonderful talents (all musical and fantastically musically diverse as they are all part of the Greats of the Northern California Bay Area).  I am so proud to have been accepted in the “club” and to have been invited to sing among them.  They teach me every time I sit in the crowd and listen.  To do that is a wonderful experience; BUT, to have them in my home?  That is an exceptional experience, and this happens all the time now!  So, needless to say, I have my ears on and my mouth closed (unless ordered otherwise) and learn as much as I can.

Yea, be careful what you wish for?  I insist on, “be grateful for what you wish for” – as anything is possible and mostly likely probable.  Life is, as they20954921 say, but a dream.  So dream on!  I am so grateful for the turn my life has taken.  Thank you EVERYONE who has touched my life in one way or another.  Leave me a comment, I’d love to hear how you’ve been touched by a miracle (earthly or otherwise…).

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Pictures of Our Past – Sometimes They Must Be Seen and Discussed.

Posted on March 29, 2013 by Nora L Pratt

Time passes so quickly, hours turn to days, days to weeks, weeks to months and before you know it, a year has gone by.  Time has a way of sedating the

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pains of our past; yet, sometimes current events can bring those memories right back to the surface.  There were recent events in Ohio where some boys thought it “consensual” to have sex with a girl who was intoxicated to the point of unconsciousness.  Though this was horrid enough, this isn’t what gulls me, it was the callousness of those taking the pictures/videos and those commenting after; things like “she’s a whore”, “she deserved it, she never should have been in that situation in the first place.”

“Victim Blaming” is where we have returned.  It is this attitude that has caused so many victims of this crime (some might call it a Hate Crime and many in the Psychiatric community do) to not come forward, not press charges.  It certainly has stirred many uncomfortable memories for me.  It seems that there was not a phase in my young life where I wasn’t exploited at the hand of men (young and old).  Many of the episodes are merely pictures in my mind, they have no feeling, no depth; they are just two-dimensional pictures that, on occasion, float in and out.  But there are a couple that I remember very well.  And I can tell you, what I wore, how I acted had as much to do with being attacked as a deer asking the hunter to shoot.

For those of you wondering, rape hurts, it hurts to a point where you don’t know that you will be able to get back up to your feet and all you want to do is shower it away.  Even the so-called “date rape” or acquaintance rape, terms that I hope will soon be axed out of our judicial and English language as they water down the act, leaves its marks and scars.  Rape is RAPE.  One isn’t friendlier than the other.  For example, my rapist left his finger prints on the inside of my arms and legs.  I had bruising on my hips, and down my back.  My groin was so bruised it was difficult to walk and sit and to use the restroom.  I consider myself as one of the lucky ones.  I didn’t get beaten, or tortured; my attacker wasn’t a masked man from a dark alley, he was someone I knew.  Still, I was raped just the same.

My apologies for being so graphic, I merely want to paint a picture that this is a crime of violence; it’s not sex, not love, not even LUST.  This is a hate crime, yes, I’m using the term; I wish further my point.  I set out to do some research in my quest to try and understand why and how men could do this and found some information.  The Delta Women – Why Do Men Rape discusses the five different characteristics.  Not that many would truly want to know this information, but I did.  I wanted to know what it was that was in the male brain causing them to be able to do such a thing.  Some of this is also discussed in a New York Times article Why Do Groups of Men Attack Women? where David Lisak discusses the various reasons behind rape (not just Gang rape, but rape in general).  Still I was left angry (almost feeling superior) at this “male” behavior.

But this isn’t just a “male” behavior.  As I found in Feministe – But Women Don’t Rape that we girls do have a way of getting our way; and yes, if the tables were turned (in some or most cases) it would be rape.  We all need to sit back and think of what we are doing to each other.  It isn’t “making love” when one of you simply isn’t in the mood; you need to stop.  Whatever happened to mutual respect?  Whatever happened to self-respect?  To respecting the child?  The woman?  The Man?  The elderly?  Whatever happened to stepping up when you hear a person in trouble and saying, “Hey, what are you doing, I called 911.”?  Instead, people take video and post it on YouTube.  Or post it on their social media with their snarky comments.  Aren’t we disgusted?  Aren’t we ashamed of how heartless we’ve become?

About forty years ago there was an incident in Queens, NY, the murder of a young woman who was witnessed by over thirty people (neighbors); all of whom did nothing.  The news of their apathy spread like wild-fire to places as far away as Istanbul and Moscow (per NY Times -  Kitty – 40 Years Later).  It wasn’t the subject of the murder so much as it was the fact that more than thirty people witnessed it and made not so much as a phone call to the police!  The world was outraged and could not wrap their heads around it.  It is unfortunate that we have gone from outrage for not being the “Good Samaritan”, to on-looking as if we were watching a late night movie.  Again, taking videos, pictures… Anything for our Twitter or Facebook pages, right?

We can go on and on as to why these violent crimes continue and why the perpetrators do what they do; the point is that when someone, anyone, says “no” or is inebriated to a point of not being able to make a decision at all, stay off.  If only for your own self-preservation, as false accusations happen, unfortunately more often than I’d like to count.  But to point the blame finger to the victim and the concern to the rapists (“what will happen to their careers now?”) is simply twisted.  It’s twisted and it’s bashing women yet again.

I saw a post on FB that stated “You raped her because her clothes provoked you?  I should break your face because your stupidity provoked me.”  I576215_514878195231156_793668042_n believe that about spells it out. For it is this stupidity that spreads like cancer, and it’s this thinking (by males and females alike), that must stop.  Again, rape is rape; let’s not water it down.  It is an act of violence, it’s humiliating, horrifying and having to deal with the aftermath, it can be overwhelming, if not paralyzing.  I survived, I walked away anonymous  for there was no worldwide web, no “social media”, only what happened between me and my attacker.  I cannot begin to fathom what that poor girl is going through in Steubenville, I can only say that my hearts goes out to her.  My disgust lies with her attackers and those watching and those commenting with such disdain.

This world will only heal when we as a People realize that nobody asks for crime, torture of any sort.  There are no  ”come f*&# me clothes” just as there are no “come shoot me clothes.”  As I’ve stated before, time heals.  It truly does.  I’ve been blessed to only have fainted pictures in my mind and not having to relive it over and over.  I can at least talk about it; but this is something that I will never forget for this act (as with the others) is a part of me.  Does it define me?  No, absolutely not; it is, however, a part of me.

I thought long and hard about writing about this as it is something very personal.  The more I thought about it and the events of Steubenville (as well as others that don’t fare media attention), I thought that it is time that we all share our stories, make it known that this behavior will no longer go unscathed.  We need to step up, speak up and do what is right.

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The Only Thing Constant is Change…

Posted on March 25, 2013 by Nora L Pratt

The Changing Season - Township at Highlands

That is what they say, and you know something?  I hate it!  Of course there are some changes that are wonderful… the changing of the seasons, changing your shoes, changing your décor; but when people leave from your snuggly surroundings, this is a very sad day for me.  I was very blessed to be included in on a family dinner of my dear friend before she and her partner left the state.  She is and has been one of my truest friends for quite some time and, although they have lived elsewhere in these United States in the past and I survived, I just can’t help that I will mourn the idea that they will no longer be in the next town over.  I know, many will say, “But Ann, we are in the new age of technology… you can Skype, even call, you know?”  But I am going to miss hanging out, chatting it up and being silly, or going out and singing around the piano at one our favorite live piano bars in the City.  What fun we had.

It was around ’99 when we met, we both shared a love of singing and sang in an acapella quartet.  It was sheer amazement that we sounded as great as we did as we four laughed more than we sang; but sing we did and the blend was amazing.  The friendships that were formed from that quartet are treasures to this day. You know the kind?  Those friends you can just laugh and laugh and laugh with, until your sides ache.  Then it’s all you can do to not continue to laugh despite the aches.  (Something so therapeutic about it)  The other night at dinner was an occasion just like that.  We laughed until we ached.  And I watched as my friend spoke with her niece and I couldn’t help but to be reminded of a picture of another girl and her aunt (her favorite aunt).

When I was a girl, being the youngest I was a bit invisible (Ann who?  Do we have another sister/cousin?), but my aunt would talk with me and spend time with me.  She would tell me how proud she was of me, how pretty I was (even through my awkward “ugly duckling” years… whew!); bottom line, she encouraged me.  And the other night I saw this in my friend… No wonder I’m endeared to her; what is not to LOVE?  As we sat, laughing, chatting and giggling more and as I observed her listening with such intensity, I was watching Aunt Louise with me.  What a treasure.

FriendshipWe have a great many treasures in our life, friendships are the most valuable of those.  Family is obvious; but it is our friendships that we form through the years that pull us through the tough times, it is those friends that lift us up when we are down and listen with both ears wide open and without judgment.  So many quotes are out there about friends, close friends, best friends, childhood friends and so on; again, many will come and go, there are some that touch you for a brief moment in time and then there are those that stand the test of time.  It is my hope that ours will stand the test of time, but one can never know that without a crystal ball.  All I can do is treasure the contact I have with her today, this moment and be thankful for the light she has shed on my life and will continue to shed on my life and  the lives of all around her.

All the best dearest One…  You are embarking on yet another wonderful journey, remember that you are the rarest of gems that gleam light into the lives of all you encounter.  I love you and will always.

The Arrow and the Song

By

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I shot an arrow into the air,
It fell to earth,
I  knew not where;
For, so swiftly it flew, the sight
Could not follow it in  its flight.
I breathed a song into the air,
It fell to earth,
I knew  not where;
For who has sight so keen and strong,
That it can follow the  flight of song?
Long, long afterward,
In an oak I found the arrow,  still unbroke;
And the song,
From beginning to end,
I found again in the heart of a friend.

Source: The Arrow and the Song by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Famous Friendship Poems http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/famous/poem/the-arrow-and-the-song#ixzz2OakCb45A http://www.FamilyFriendPoems.com

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From “Bare-bones” to Clutter… well, my stuff is back!

Posted on March 23, 2013 by Nora L Pratt

Some of it anyway.  I’ve spent the better part of the last few days dealing with the icky part of the fire; the loss (ouch!).  I’m going through pages and

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pages of pictures that were taken of the unidentifiable items, trying to jog my memory and just getting over whelmed by the idea of how much stuff a person can acquire in a lifetime.  It amazes me at just how much stuff (and how quickly) we can collect.  Why do we need it?  Pancake flippers, wine foil cutters, wine openers (well… definitely we need that), but an automatic one?  (maybe…)  My point being, we collect all this stuff, we then need a place to place it, to organize it.  So, we need shoe trees for our shoes, we need baskets for our socks, we need baskets for our handbags… (I mean I have about 20!).  It’s a bit crazy…

So, I moved to the recovered items and started unpacking ( a bit less daunting), and came across the first box.  I open it and, laying in some paper on top, was the chain of a lamp I lost.  A little history about this lamp: my uncle (my favorite uncle) had hand carved this lamp.  It was a hanging lamp, that was made with a chain on the top.  The whole top, including the links, was hand carved out of one piece of wood.  I had relayed this to the helping me with my loss and they had taken just that part (it was the only part that had survived, remarkably enough) and polished it up, wrapped and boxed it.  IMG-20130323-00097I looked at it, with tears welling up in my eyes, and thought about all the miracles of this life.  Here I was getting so upset with myself and my “stuff”.  I was scolding myself for not being better organized and for being too much of a “horter” when God showed me what was important.  This, this hand carved work of art by one of the favorite people of my youth; Uncle Hap.  And I was immediately pushed back in line with my priorities.

The traumas of Mother Nature are so random and without prejudice; yet I can’t help to think there is a reason somehow.   Along with the links of my dear uncle’s lamp is a painting by my vocal coach of my youth.  Along with her many talents (music being one of them), she was a fabulous painter.  She had given me a painting that was painted on a block of wood.  It had a “knocker” style hangar on the top.  What was amazing about this is that this little block of wood that hosted this wonderful painting, was in the heat of the fire.  You only need to look at it to see as the metal hangar was melted into a nub.  As I was talking with my brother and discussing my findings, I looked upon this in amazement.  We both laughed hysterically!  This was definitely telling me something, but what?  IMG-20130323-00100IMG-20130323-00099

There was definitely a point in my day yesterday where I was getting way too caught up in the self-scolding, “why can’t I be better organized” thing; and it took a couple of random (completely random) saviors from my past to remind me of how special I actually am.  I do believe they were trying to tell me something.  My uncle loved me for my uniqueness, my spunk, my “squirliness” (I was quite a goof as a child and he spoiled me rotten).  I believe those link were there to remind me to get back to that inner child and look at this world once again through the eyes of that small girl.  Reminding me of what he saw in me.  Just as I’m sure I drove my mother nuts (and her sister, my uncle’s wife); it was those same qualities that he adored and was sure to let me know that.

My vocal coach brought me strength in so many ways; mostly, she taught me the mysteries of my voice and the instrument that I carry.  There is a certain uniqueness with instrument and I should never take it for granted and should always nurture it.  Just as we all have special qualities, mine is the ability to perform, and the ability to write; there is no need to compare myself, but I should forever stay humble.  The mere fact that this survived as it did is very telling as I believe it is telling me to stretch my voice and to never give up.  Continue my path and forge ahead, bold and proud.

This morning I embarked on my first exercise class in quite some time (since before leaving my ex-husband) and I truly enjoyed myself.  I enjoyed the movement, the companionship of potential friends as we met for coffee afterwards.  Most of all, I enjoyed the direction of my new life.   To think that I was in a panic over turning 50.  All my friends were right, this is the beginning of a whole new life.  What are your random signs telling you?  Take a moment, sit back and listen for they just might be giving you the advice that will change your life.

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They Say Time Heals… it does.

Posted on March 19, 2013 by Nora L Pratt

Grief, it hits a person like a lead ball in the heart.  The funny thing about a broken heart is that it keeps on beating; all the while, you’re thinking that imagesCAH1ZRK5there is no way it’s possible to be pumping fluid, but it is and you are still alive, ready to face yet another day without your loved one.  Today marks one year since the passing of my dear sister Kimball and I miss her terribly; however, I must admit that I’ve come a long way since March 2012.

By this time last year, I couldn’t see past the end of the week, let alone the following year.  Now, I’m looking into the future with excitement and enthusiasm, making plans for a life I’ve never had the courage to live.  Looking on this last year, I’ve gone through the grief of losing my sister, then into a wonderful love affair, then having that affair come to an abrupt end; thereby breaking my heart yet again.  I declared my independence and moved into my apartment only to find it in ashes a mere five days later.  Whew!  What a year!

But as I’ve said time and again, “LIFE” happens to all of us.  And what we take from it is what we’ve learned.  Now, part of that “life” is death, a passage none of us can escape.  What I’ve read, and have come to understand and believe, is that death is not an end but a passage; a beginning.  We mourn because we no longer have our loved one physically with us; but what we don’t seem to understand, because we cannot see with our eyes or feel with our senses, is that our loved ones are still with us.  We are merely here, in physical form, to enjoy this journey and to learn.  That is my belief.

I can remember as a girl, we lost our father when I was a year old and though he was not with us in physical form, nobody could tell me that he was not with me, by my side, each and every day;  I could feel him, right by my side, protecting me.  Somewhere around the time after I got married was when he left.  But he was there, no doubt about it.  Later, when I was an adult and shared my feelings with my mother, she told me his last words were, “take care of my baby.”  According to her, he must have wanted to make sure of that.  Mother too, was a big believer in the continuation of the Spirit.  I could go on and on about the stories of what our aunt and the neighbors thought they saw after his death (actually very funny as they were very strict Catholics… a story for another post).  Point being, this was my feeling and belief.  Is it science?  No.  But I don’t necessarily have to have science to prove to me something I believe (or know to be) true.

So much has happened this last year, and there has been a huge transformation within me.  When I look back and think of where I was, compared to where I am and where I’m going, it is quite an accomplishment.  Driving home today from a massage appointment my girlfriend had given me, I was noticing the trees; Spring is definitely here, with all the flowers, the trees were in full bloom with white peddles blowing in the wind.  The peddles were whirling around, it looked like snow (a “Spring snow”).  This time last year it was dismal, I had been up since 2:20 in the morning and my heart literally felt like it had been ripped into pieces.  People told me that the pain would lessen with time and, though I knew logically this was true, I couldn’t see it.

But time has healed my wounded, ripped heart.  Somehow I’m now able to see life from a different perspective, look into the future, yes even with rose-colored glasses (sometimes).  I’m singing much more often, writing and have survived.  There was the fire a month ago; but I’ve survived!  I’m the proverbial Phoenix, remember?  I’ve arisen from the ashes and am now forging a new path

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One thing time hasn’t seem to have healed, however is the bad blood that has festered between my niece and I.  Things have been estranged ever since our last Christmas… I miss her and hope she is well; I only want the best for her, I think she knows that.  The relationship with my nephew and niece are the relationships that I would love to have back on track, but again, I’m hopeful that time will heal.  I just want them to know how much I love them and how much we all love them.  This was something that Kimball wanted more than anything; Family.

This time last year Kimball made her passage back to her true self and, in time, I’ve been able to heal so that I can make my transformation to my true earthly self.  The self I’ve been afraid of pursuing.  The events of recent weeks have helped me to realize that the time for my “passage” is now.    Just what exactly my final shape will be?  Stay tuned… the sculptor is ever creating.

imagesCAWKPZNV

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My Beloved Hour, ‘Til We Meet Again…

Posted on March 10, 2013 by Nora L Pratt

change-coming

Yes folks, it is that time AGAIN, where we must set our clocks ahead; thereby losing one hour.   Now to many of my friends, I’m  just being silly as this is made up later in the day, or is it?  Of course this observation comes from my dear friends the Larks.  You know the types?  Those individuals that greet you with a cheery “Hello!”, when you wake up in the morning, have already had their jog in, are showered and dressed and have been on Facebook chatting it up (to nobody) since 5:00 a.m.  While you, the Night Owl, who was probably up until 2:00 a.m. finally rolled out of bed by 9:00.

There has always been the ever blooming war between the “Larks” and the “Night Owls“.  I’m not sure if it is fair to really call it so much as a war necessarily, but the Larks do seem to feel superior to the Night Owl, in that they DO generally get up with the chickens, have tons of energy and seem to be able to get their ’nose

to the grindstone’ that much earlier.  As opposed to the Night Owl, who generally gets their burst of energy around 4:00 p.m. and doesn’t quit until around two in the a.m.

The only issue with being a Night Owl is that it can pose a problem if you are in a 9-5 job, and your best work comes out around midnight.  So, the question becomes, can a Night Owl become a Lark?  I happen to be a Night Owl and know, that while I can put out some pretty good work between the hours of 9:00 a.m. and 5:00 p.m; I do seem to get most of my best work done, like my writing, in the wee hours (it’s when I get all my ideas).  I can try to get to bed early, but an idea will pop into my head about an article and it’s back to the computer before it has time to slide back out.

Alarm+ClockAgain, I’m not sure that the term “war” would be accurate; however, having been married to a Lark, I don’t think it’s something marriages are made of.  Or should they be the perfect balance?  What I do know is that whenever this time of year comes around, I, for one, feel cheated.  I feel robbed.  And I don’t seem to feel ‘right with the world’ again until my beloved hour has been given back to me.  How many of you out there feel the same way?  It just throws us off somehow.  And is this something that just throws off the Night Owls?  Or are you Larks affected too?  Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate the extra daylight at the end of the day too, but we would have had that anyway, am I right?  On the other hand, I really enjoy the evenings;  those lazy summer evenings with candle light, or some little lights strung around (it can be so celebratory and beautiful).  Hence, why I’m such a night owl, I love the evenings too much.  There is nothing like staring at a Full Moon on a clear still warm night while rocking in my favorite chair and sipping a glass of wine.

Now there are benefits to waking at the dawn and watching the sun come up.  I can remember when I ran an office in the City; I used to have to get up at 3:00 a.m.  Actually, now that I remember it, I didn’t have to, it was more out of fear; see that is where ‘work-aholism’ starts.  I would catch the first train at 4:30 and can remember how beautiful the sunrise was.  There have been other times too, where I’ve awoken early, gone to Starbucks and just sat watching the people (there are a lot of people up and around… who would’ve thunk?), or when I’m camping along the river… simply gorgeous!  It’s actually beautiful in the early a.m.

But, research has shown that we seem to be ‘hardwired’ at birth and that it is in our genetics.  They also say, why fight it?  Know your type and learn to live with it.  The issue is, we live in a 9-5 world and there are a great many Night Owls who have a hard time adjusting.  So is there a way for the Night Owl to transform into the early Lark?  Researchers say that they can, however they will never be totally themselves.  Again, GENETICS!  So, that my friends is it in a nutshell.

I’m a Night Owl and I’ll hoot with pride.  This post has helped, in that, I’ve found out some pretty interesting stuff.  But back to our shift in the time change, answer me this; for those of you our there, how does it affect you?  I’d love to hear from you.  Am I completely insane?  At any rate, I yam who I yam (to quote our favorite Popeye), and I will always have this thing about the “Spring forward” thing.

But we are back into the Spring of Summer, then it will be Fall, and THEN… my beloved Hour shall return and we will be together for a wonderful engagement.  A time where we will catch up on the lost time.  Until then… Happy Spring!

Lark Bunting

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The Proverbial Phoenix – I’ve Risen From the Ashes

Posted on March 6, 2013 by Nora L Pratt

As I’ve said many a times, bad things happen to us all.  Each of us have or will come upon, at some point in our lives, challenges that will cause us

Phoenix Commission

Phoenix Commission (Photo credit: Martin Whitmore)

pause.  Sitting for a moment and think, “Why me?”  And to this, I again ask, why not you?  We often look at what happens to us as either ‘good’ or ‘bad’; when in reality it is simply LIFE.

It is my belief that we have been sent here, all of us, to experience this wonderful planet Earth and all its glories.  We are also here to have fun doing it and learn everything we can while we LIVE.  So how are we to experience ‘Fun’ while we are in such horrific experiences?  That is a question that can only be answered individually.  For me, I looked at the fire as the Universe’s way of answering my continuing question, “How am I ever going to get organized and get through all this junk?”

Many of you might think me absurd, but think about it.  I did have quite a collection from this life of living that surely would have taken up most of my storage.  It was causing me quite a bit of stress thinking about all the time it would take to go through all the items it took me a lifetime to collect.  I met with my adjuster and walked through my old apartment today, some items made it (like the chest of drawers from my fathers WWII bunk, and our family mahogany Low Boy that dates back to the Civil War).  But so much is gone, vanished (up in smoke).  All those items that defined me, the girl I was; all the theatre reviews and pictures (my wedding pictures) are gone (all my high school year books, gone), so, now what?

I’ve written about ‘cross-roads’ (which way do I turn?) and ‘starting over’; it would seem that the Universe (or God) has made this new path that I’m to follow very clear by clearing the brush to make it that much more visible.   So, I am the proverbial Phoenix rising from the ashes and will embark on my new life, taking new photos and meeting more new fabulous people.

Not one person on this earth is immune to the challenges of life.  Some might find themselves faced with a diagnoses of a life threatening disease, others might have a child fighting for their life, others might be piecing their life back together after a tragic storm like Sandy (this list can go on and on…); but I believe that there truly is no ‘bad’ that through all of this, there is ‘good’.  For the person who has been diagnosed with a life threatening disease?  They might get reunited with an estranged family member or friend, or perhaps through this diagnosis they learn some magnificent things about themselves and can, therefor teach those they come into contact.  For those having to watch a child fight for their life, they might be greeted by an anonymous gesture of generosity and kindness or simply people coming together for support in ways they hadn’t thought of (again, learning of the value of the human connection).

We have no control of what happens to us, we can only control what we focus upon and how we choose to react.  I joked with a friend of mine that the day of the fire, as I was sitting in my neighbor’s living room, I saw this group of people approach.  “Ma’am?  We are with the Red Cross and would like to go over a few things with you, it should just take a couple of minutes.”  I was thinking, you’re for catastrophes, I’m not a “catastrophe!”  But, I was… I was in a two alarm fire and, according to the Fire Chief, I was very lucky to have made it out (I think he said that had I been in there 1, maybe 2 minutes longer, I would have perished; it had exploded/flashed).  Wow!  Certainly places a different spin on things.

My point being, challenges are many in this life.  I don’t mean to belittle anyone’s demise by any means or to be glib.  I’m not; my heart goes out to anyone suffering and finding themselves facing that fog you get in whenever you are faced with any catastrophe or difficult news.  However, I am saying that, based on my experience, there are a great many miracles that will pop up along your rocky trail and that your life will be different (it supposed to be… Life is change).  But life does go on, all around us and we must make it a point to remember that this life, no matter how challenging, is to be met with enthusiasm and the will to live it through.  (you will make it to the other side).

My ashes are both figuratively speaking and literal.  What are yours?  I’m here to tell you, you will rise.

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Spring is in the air.

Posted on February 23, 2013 by Nora L Pratt

We are nearing the end of February, a time where the start of Spring is literally right around the corner and it was a time when my sister Kimball and IEtiwandaFalls

would go to our Women’s Retreat.  A dear friend of mine will be joining me as I’m not sure how I will handle this moment by moment.  I do think I should go since I always enjoy the ritual, but know that last year, being that it was the first year Kimball couldn’t make it, I was a basket case.  Yesterday I received a call from my dear friend; she had a fever and the chills (uh oh… “damn” I said in y head), she has the flu.  It looks like I’ll be facing this alone.

Being that I’ve never believed anything has ever happened without a purpose, I’ve decided to go it alone.  I’m still not quite sure how this will affect me and how I will take that empty chair beside me.  But, I have always been a ‘rip the bandage off’ type of girl; so, in its honor I shall ‘rip that bandage off’ and face the people and the event, alone.  Who knows, maybe I’ll make some new friends.

Truthfully though, I’m not much of a social ‘gabber’.  There are people who have the ‘gift of gab’; I, unfortunately, am not one of them.  I would just a soon be at a table by myself.  And, in this situation, we are seated at table that seat ten people who usually know each other.  So, in a way, I am seated by myself (just what I wanted :) ).  Seriously, I generally go for the speakers and the singing more than anything else; and, I am hopeful that I will meet a few people before the weekend is through.

Whenever I’m faced with situations like this, I’m always puzzled as to why my hands get so clammy and I get so nervous.  I’m a fifty year old woman, its high time I start to act like the confident woman who other’s obviously seem to think I am.  I know this from what my friends tell me (I don’t see it… but do we ever?  Do we ever see our own self in the eyes of other’s?).  Spring is in the air and I am starting it off with a doozy of a klutzy move.

OMG!  I can’t believe I did what I did!  In a moment of weakness I sent an email to Honey.  I know, I know!  How stupid and pathetic am I?  But, I wrote my feelings; that I was sorry for the previous letter and that I had hoped we could talk and possibly get back together.  If not?  I would certainly understand.  I further wrote that I thought he deserved a woman who would bring him the happiness he deserved.  I ended it by stating “that was the letter I should have written…”

I didn’t beg (though I wanted to); I haven’t stalked (though the thought has come up and it has been tempting…).  I just miss him.  I miss the way he would look at me.  I miss the way he made me laugh and the way he made me feel.  I miss the taste of his lips when we kissed (God, they should package that flavor).  I did love him and to say I didn’t, or to try to be coy and say that those months meant nothing just isn’t in me.  I truly don’t know what happened and I don’t know if I’ll ever have the privilege of his company again.  But, I do have the memories.  He’s not necessarily the “one that got away”; but he is ‘the one’ that I will always think of, fondly.

I know I should be careful and I know that I’m in a very vulnerable place.  But I also know that the fire change my perspective.  It changed my priorities on who I wish to spend my time with and what I will spend my time on.  I hope I’ll have a chance to find someone with the same wit of Honey and someone who will look at me with the same intensity.  Thank you Honey for giving me a new level to judge by.

HeartnTreeGrief

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The Fire – Week 1

Posted on February 18, 2013 by Nora L Pratt

Smoke on the Water 4298

It is now almost one week since my life went up in flames (literally) and I’ve noticed that my accepted point of view has shifted quite a bit.  Things that would have driven me up a tree two weeks ago, simply don’t even deserve the spotlight of my attention now.  I don’t know, something about losing everything places a different spin on life and the importance of your time; it most definitely rearranges one’s priorities a bit.

Again, I really don’t know how to explain it; it’s not the same as mourning the loss of a life or getting a diagnosis of a life altering disease or even being victimized in a crime.  It’s much more stark.  One can say I’ve been given the gift of truly starting over.  But, this is so much more than the mere material things needed to live (a bed to sleep, a sofa to sit upon, a lamp to read by) this is the loss of all that I truly held dear and all those things that were handed down for generations.

There is a feeling of guilt, though I know I didn’t start the fire, associated with telling my sister about the loss of some of the items that was so horrible (I felt like telling her about our sister dying all over again).  That feeling of ‘if only’ came up.  Like, “if only I hadn’t insisted on bringing Kimball’s silver right away.”  Or, “if only I had waited on bringing over the rocking chair our Grandfather made our mother when she was a little girl.”  Or, “why did I have to insist on bringing the mahogany Low-boy; I should have insisted Elizabeth take it.”  All of those items are gone and I could hear the heart-break in my sister’s voice, though she would deny it (it would kill her, rather than to ever make me feel an ounce of guilt).  And I know that, like me, she is saddened by the loss too; but, she is relieved I made it out (bird in hand).

I must sound silly as I go on about how I feel of the loss of these ’things’; especially after what I just wrote.  However, I do still believe that we place too much emphasis in our ‘stuff’, I do think the loss is finally settling in; hence, my grief.  You know?  I’m not even sure this is grief.  I feel fine, for the most part.  I read a post on FB by a friend of mine who wrote: “As I look at life day-to-day, I can’t find a single thing to complain about. Why? Because my walk with God is so strong that regardless of what you have done, will do, or ever try to do or say, you will be taken care of by God.   A big eye opener was hearing of when my friend Ann MacGregor’s house caught a fire, leaving her with nothing; but God didn’t. He has and will continue to give her exactly what she needs. Many things have happened to us all but it’s how we handle them. I thank You Lord , for allowing me to see that no one person can steal my joy , nor is responsible for what I do or don’t have. You are in control because I have definitely learned to LET GO AND LET GOD!!! Thank U Lord.”

SuperNova,_Space_ArtFor this past week, I couldn’t quite place my finger on the reason for the ‘calmness’ and this ‘quiet’ I felt; but my friend said it so well, “Let GO and let GOD.”  I’ve heard that phrase before and always thought I understood its meaning, but truly don’t think I got it; not until recently.  Let go and let God means that we have no control over this River of Life.  We like to think we do, and there are some things we can control.  What milk to buy and how much of it we buy or drink.  But I no more can control what will happen to me today, tonight or tomorrow morning, than I can control the weather or the time of day.  Logically, we know this; but for the first time in my life, I’m surrendered to it.  And it feels wonderful.

I, like many of us, have always wanted to know what was ’round the bend in the road ahead.  I always felt that I needed to be prepared for what was coming.  But to truly enjoy the ride that we have been placed on this earth to enjoy, to be “in the moment” means enjoying every inch of that road/river(whatever you call it).  Enjoying the scenery as it comes and enjoying the currents or the rapids as they flow.   When you see a ‘bend’ in the river coming up; notice it, notice the view; but do not to allow yourself to waste the time thinking or worrying about what is around it.  You will get to it quick enough.

Both the Fire Chief and the Firefighter that helped me said that had I stayed just a couple of minutes longer I would have perished; when I think of that, I truly do count my blessings.  Again, that isn’t what has altered my thinking, it is the fact that in no more than thirty minutes, everything I owned, everything that described me and my life (my childhood, my wedding pictures, my theatre write-ups, my high school yearbooks) is all ashes.  In a matter of minutes, my past erupted into flames and is no more.

Let go and let God is my new motto.  There is truly a solace in those words for me, forcing me to stay in the moment.  I don’t know how long this new awareness will last; I hope for a lifetime, I could live with that.  That way of thinking is something we all could use more of.  However, I could do with a little less of the shock and some more sleep… all in due time.  In the meantime?  I write.GriefonaDock

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